A new day perhaps…

Previous Monday was marked as the day I finally started my studies in Institut Teknologi Brunei, or the Brunei Institute of Technology. A path where I myself has chosen, still having no idea if the way is paved or filled with obstacles. Nevertheless, I will take one step at a time, until the day I arrived at a crossroad.

Now to the beginning…

The first day of orientation started on the previous Monday, 22nd of July. I had to woke up at 5.30 in morning to start the journey to Bandar and coming along on this trip was Auji Arifah (prefers to be known as Miss Auji or Kaka Auji by younger ones and an old friend, also the other half of Royy). The trip was quite silent, considering that a lot of things are going in each of our minds, especially (well this is quite childish, even for us Auji) whether we will be making friends or not. The trip got me quite sleepy and therefore I insisted Auji on entertaining me for the sake of both our safety (ha-ha). When we arrived at the ITB at around half past eight-ish, the seniors especially the MPPs were already busy directing cars to the allotted parking spaces. I then parked my car at the student’s parking lot and both of us went inside the building, not knowing what to expect. 

Lobby Area. Filled with expectant students looking ahead. Students who looked like they were lost or something. Groups upon groups of students who were definitely younger than me. Pretty girls walking by holding on their documents for dear life. Guys… well guys. There was a makeshift information desk that I just walked by (at the time all that’s on my mind was to just register myself) before being stopped by this one dude who knew I was a freshman (maybe it was that obvious?) to give me this checklist of what to do for the registration day. Then on we go to the big white tent.\

Teratak Putih. (my reaction was hmmm smaller version of the OGDC’s Big Top, very similar) This place was like filled to the brim with students. Everywhere was like a mixture of Business students, Engineering students and others. Me and Auji were immediately separated as there was this lady (who looked a lot like Ellie from the game, Last of Us) asked us which Programme do we belong to. Now as I am to be under Petroleum and Chemical Engineering, Auji was to be under Civil Engineering. I went to my line and somehow I just left Auji there, talking to the senior (hehe sorry Auji :p ).

As I waited in the line, I started to really look around. two of the guys infront of me clearly went to the same school. Clowders of girls walking around (now this is subtle, look it up, Clowder) and talking. Mpps busy being a guide. Fortunately, the queue was bearable and I registered myself, handing over the documents I prepared overnight.

BUT (ass)

That was only the first stage and now comes the second stage. Now this is what I would call the ultimate test of patience. The line was extremely long and it was moving extremely slow. In my mind, I thought we had to give our information to a teacher or someone but we had to input it ourselves on to the system. I started queuing around half past nine, only to reach the room at around eleven. Yes that was how long I had to stand up and wait.

Moving on to the third stage, where I have to give the bank slip to prove that I paid for the fresher’s pack or something which we have to deposit the payment in BIBD manually. Also the place where I received the pink slip (not for cars but for collecting tshirts and bag and Student Achievement Passport).

Finally to the fourth and final stage, collecting the fresher’s pack. This was where I saw Qeeqee (one of my juniors. i remembered her being bright and cheerful and I’m not sure if all that still remains.) where I didn’t immediately said Hi ’cause she was talking to this other guy (hehe sorry qeeqee). So in I went to the room and found out I’m in Rumpun Biru or the Blue Tribe. (maju biru~ maju biru sekarang~ biru apa~ biru apa~ biru apa sekarang~)

So I went outside and finally said Hi to Qeeqee and we caught up with each other a little bit. After the short exchange, I sat down on one of the sofas in front of the MPP’s Room (oh MPP stands for Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar or the Student Representatives Council) to wait for Auji, in walked Azam (real name I don’t really remember, all I can recall is just Siti Noor’Azam, I think. She was one of my junior back in St. John’s. real smart and real quiet but has a sense of humor and lent me one dollar. haha) who was now the Naib Yang Di-Pertuan (VIce President)  of the MPP. I greeted her and we talked for quite a bit while waiting for Auji (in my opinion which was good she was taking a long time) catching up with each other and talked about what’s been going in our lives. The talk ended (well she WAS the Vice President)  and down I went to look for Auji where instead Auji found me. Took a quick look around at the Extra Curricular Activities Club where one club attracted my interest and immediately signed up for it (heheheh). 

After all that finally ended around twelve-ish, Royy picked up Auji and we both went on our merry way. That’s all from me for now and the time is already half past two in the morning. I have class at quarter to ten and I need to sleep. 

 

Yours Truly

Faris Suraj

(P.S. Will try to continue the next part of the orientation as soon as possible.)

Hope

There I was, lying on the bed thinking hope is such a selfish bitch. It fills up your head with what ifs. A lot of what ifs. What if i treated her differently, what if i did this instead of that. Shit like that fills up your head with unnecessary fantasy situations that yourself couldn’t help but just hope that that unnecessary situation might, just MIGHT come true.

Don’t you just wish this would never happen? We’d walk past by and won’t think of anything. Just wishing on each other’s happiness? I wish that situation would really exist one day.

Butt fuck it. Living life now, one day at a time. Scarred for life and carrying baggage.

Feelings.

Fuck feelings. I sometimes wished there is an off button for emotions. Things I would just do just so I wouldn’t feel that way again. Pain, desperation, confusion. This is the after effects of emotions. I feel bad for forcing myself, I feel pain of not being chosen. The undesirable feelings crept up from the darkest part of myself now seems to find a strong hold. Fuck this. All the things I do seems wrong and the right things to be done seems irrelevant now. can I just fucking leave all these behind?

I’m sorry for this post being late but in actual reality, when life is a routine, there is no colour nor creativity, no reason for me to write. no outlet for pain nor heartbreak. Don’t let routine control your life.

I fell hard for her. so hard that I don’t see other girls anymore. how sometimes I wish we would have never met, This marks twice now. Both failed. Both as bittersweet as can be.

as always

 

Faris Suraj

Frisbee.

Days gone by. It hardly seems like days now. Time feels like a blur these if you engrossed yourself in a routine. These days a normal routine would go like :
1. Wake up
2. Send lil brother to school
3. Go to work.
4. Pick up lil brother and have lunch.
5. Back to work.
6. Frisbee

And pretty much that’s it. To be honest, it’s getting boring these days.

On the other note, I have to talk about what I saw the other day. What I saw wretch my heart a little bit. The scene of where a kitten, a victim of hit and run, lay at the side of the road. I won’t judge the driver on this one but come on! It’s still a kitten. That scene reminds me back on 2010-ish where Fahmii and I stopped in the middle of the day to help a kitten. The kitten therefore was adopted by Fahmii’s brother. I wonder now the well being of the kitten. I’m sure right now he’d grown so much. Cats are definitely majestic creatures. Lazy but majestic.

On that bombshell

Faris Suraj

The feeling

Few days ago, I visited my former sitxh form centre where I spent two years of my life in confused and angry way. Lots of things can happen in that specific two years because I believe sixth form really can bring out your true nature.

The reason I visited the place was to cover an event which is weirdly the sixth form registration day and thats where my thoughts were again disturbed. The feeling of being ignored. The story is I managed to get ahold of someone from my past and we began conversating prior few days before this event and then suddenly, I was being ignored. To be honest, I actually understand what was going on but come on, there’s no need to ignore a friend.

Back at work, more stories unfold. Again I will not share these stories due to the fact that I’m not trying to dwell on it. The stories again showed us how unappreciated our work can sometimes be. But I will just let it go.

For now.

Faris Suraj

Mornings

To this day, mornings to me are always two different things. It’s either I wake up early and do something productive or the act of procrastination begins. This morning started with two choices as above but as of recently the pull of responsibiliy yanked me out of the bed in a form of sending my youngest brother to school. In other news, my other brother passed his driving test and therefore is elligible for a driving license.

The thought which made me drive with silence whilst sending my brother to school is the fact that I used to love mornings. Back up to quite a few years ago, when I was still a kid, mornings were the epitome of my day. Waking up to the food, to the television showing the favourite cartoon of the time, how everyone looked so busy consisting of mini actions such as reading the newspaper, talking or in my favourite, just enjoying a quality bonding time with the family.

Now, in my opinion, everyone would just like to laze around on their own bed.

Top of the mornings everyone.

Faris Suraj

New Blog

Hey there, it has been awhile since I last blogged about anything so forgive my usage of english and its grammar.

A simple introduction, I believe brings to a simple interaction. The name’s Faris as everyone would call me by the name. I created this blog for the sole reason of expressing all my thoughts as I need a medium to release it rather than having it coup up forever in my mind and heart as time itself. To start off things, I must tell you the stories may not be pretty as one could think but rather it will be interesting to the open minded and readers are very much welcome to give feed back on post that I shall write so every now and then.

But this is just an introduction to the life of a twenty, coming twenty one year old man or so it seems, as that I may still have the soul of a kid.

The time is 12.12 am at the moment I started writing this post. I was at work this morning till the afternoon where my thoughts were disturbed by a piece of very disturbing news(to which I shall not dwell on due to the private nature of it). That particular piece of news came by when one of my best friends shared it to me because, I believe we protect each other. The news broke apart my usual calm set of mind and it figuratively tore my mind to pieces. How it seems that our work is not quite appreciated by the ones we try so hard to please. But rather than confronting the others, I opt to keep to myself and see whether I could manage to just let it go. It seems that the days are getting much stressful as they started to ask more than what we could give. In the end of the day, in my honest opinion, the day wouldn’t be normal without any kinds words, no matter it is face to face or behind our backs.

With that, I end my rant or so it seems to be a rant and wishing the day would be less stressful and depressing, and I might add, be nor mal.

Faris Suraj.